NCTSN Learning Center for Child and Adolescent Trauma

When my Grandpa died, Grandma was 65. She donned sensible shoes and a baggy dress, covered her blue-tinted white hair with a nylon hair net, and stayed home with her canary.

Today’s world is more complex. Canaries are out, computers are in. When you’re looking to find a senior man, the computer is your best option. Grab your keyboard, sign on to a dating site, and in minutes you’ll have a cornucopia of eligible men literally at your fingertips.

Philippines Senior Dating |  Czech Mature Singles |  Sweden Senior Personals |  Thai Mature Men and Women |  Dating Japanese Mature |  Russian Mature Dating Ads | Puerto Rico Mature Lovers

PICK THE SITE THAT’S RIGHT FOR YOU

There are dating sites for health professionals, plus-sizers, Jews, Catholics, Protestants, Muslims, actors, musicians, gays, New Yorkers, teachers, atheists, extreme athletes, Asians, African Americans, Latinos, the physically challenged, Boomers, Gen-X’s, dog lovers, and sado-masochists.

Choosing the category is the easy part. The hard part is finding the right subgroup (for example, there are sites for both observant and non-observant Jews).

Senior dating sites are proliferating, and it’s wise to avoid jumping on a site that looks interesting but about which you know nothing. The best bet is to ask your friends, but you may not have any who will admit to being on a dating site. If that’s the case, Google “senior dating site reviews” and zero in on those recommended by not just one, but several reviewers.

SOME SITES ARE MARKETS — IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE

You’ve surely realized during a trip to the multiplex that movie houses are not in the movie business. They’re in the food business. You know this because a family about to enjoy cheese dogs, French fries, and Slurpies has chosen seats in front of you.

The same principle applies to online dating, a $1 billion-plus industry. At some sites, dates are only a sideline. They don’t really need your $18 per month. They make their money on cruises, resort vacations, self-improvement tapes, t-shirts, photo mugs, flower arrangements, heart-shaped candy, portrait photography, counseling sessions, speed dating, and lingerie. It’s easy to imagine that they don’t really want to hook you up with a partner. You’d be off the site and off their sales radar.

YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL….YES, YOU ARE.  POST THAT PHOTO!

Like their younger peers, senior men are trawling for a pretty face. If you don’t have a glamour shot in your arsenal, get one made in a glamour shot studio. Most of these offer a session with a professional makeup artist who knows how to make you look like a goddess.

Is this dishonest? No. Dishonest is using your graduation picture, or or a photo of your friend who models for Escada.  Honest is looking your own very best.  By the time you actually arrive at a face to face meeting, your senior man will already have been captivated by your warm and witty emails, and you will have had lively phone conversations. If he is a good guy he will cut you some slack because his own photo makes him look five inches taller, twenty pounds lighter, and ten years younger than he really is.

Do not fail to post a photo. Guys will be thinking: Is she older / heavier / less sophisticated than she says she is? It’s best to post the photo now because you’ll have to send it to him anyway.  Besides, would you bother to read a guy’s profile if it’s not accompanied by a photo?  

DON’T try to look sexy or alluring. Senior ladies are at their best looking gracious, confident, and in possession of a good sense of humor. You are going to need plenty of the latter anyway, as events unfold.

YOUR PROFILE – SOUL SURVIVAL

When you’re signing on to date senior men, composing smart dating site profiles is every bit as important as posting an elegant and honest photo. The mistake made by most women — and men — is to depend on a list of adjectives to do the job

I can’t begin to tell you how many people describe themselves as romantic, thoughtful, intelligent, and sophisticated. Adjectives are abstractions; they cannot be verified. You’re cultured because you SAY you are?

Show who you are by telling what you DO.  Never write, “attractive, personable, caring woman who wants to treat you right.” How does that not apply to at least 15,000 other women on the same site? Say instead, “retired florist and cartographer who loves opera (especially Rossini), wilderness hiking, skiing, face painting, and gardening.” This kind of profile sets you apart — and gets results.

Here is the first message I received on a senior dating site from Loveawake:

“So many women on internet dating are so typical and say the same thing. Your profile has substance and style and gives me something to go on, and I think we might be on the same wavelength.”