The Truth About Men


If you let current literature tell it, men are from Mars, women are from Venus, and Lil Wayne is from some oddly named planet in a land far far away. And while there’s truth to it, the fact is, men are fairly simple enough to accept. I’d say understand but the truth is, men and women do not understand one another. The more people accept this fact, the less people would be trying to understand just what Jay and Beyonce talk about on their alone time.

I actually don’t think they talk to one another, but that’s a whole other talk show.

Anyway, as a service to mankind, I shall outline 10 simple truths about men.

1. “A woman’s life is love, a man’s love is life…”

This line was uttered by Phonte of Little Brother/Foreign Exchange on Little Brother’s song, “Breakin’ My Heart” on GetBack. That might be the most poignant utterance in the history of utterances. Mostly because it’s so true. Women spend so much time trying to find love, they can’t understand why men don’t feel the same way. Frankly, because for us, love is just a part of life – and that love can come from a $2 ho for some guys. I mean, do you know what a $2 ho will do for those 2 bucks? I don’t think you do. It’s deep.

Pun.

2. We lie, because that’s what you really want to hear. In that sense, we’re saints and martyrs all wrapped up in one. We’re Tiger Woods hitting on Mother Theresa.

If you don’t want to hear that you look like a barn in that outfit, when you know you do, don’t ask. Sensitivity is something little boys who play with dolls learn. G.I. Joe with the kung fu grip was an action figure, not a doll, by the way. We don’t normally realize you’re mad until AFTER you shoot back the glance. Thing is, ladies, it’s your fault. Don’t make us lie, and we won’t.

*snicker*

3. Some men do lie just because. Thing is, you already know this, why are you so damn disappointed?

I’ll never understand why nearly every woman I know thinks that men are liars and then gets all shocked and pantied-bunched when they find out their man lied to them. You ain’t special. According to the current media sh*t storm, if you’re a Black woman with a man, you’re a lucky minority (like a Black leprechaun). Oh yeah, and if you’re a white woman,  you’ve done NOTHING wrong, ever. Word to Fox News.

4. Until we say I love you, without you prompting it, we don’t.

You’ll know a man loves you when he just can’t stop himself from telling you. If you ask a man if he loves you, and he says, “yes”, he still hasn’t technically said it, he just answered the question that creates the shortest distance between two points: your mouth and his schlong.

5. Your degree and/or place of employment means absolutely nothing to us if you look like a cactus.

Even if you’re fine as May wine, we still don’t care unless you make way more money than we do, in which case, it is discussed on a case-by-case basis. Sorry, but it’s true.

6. When we act disinterested in you, it means we’re disinterested in  you. It does not, however, mean for you to try harder.

And yes, Margaret, we can still sleep with you without any interest whatsoever. We said we didn’t like you, your boobs have done nothing to us for us to not like them.

7. Actions speak louder than words. But unless he says the words, don’t go assuming anything.

Especially don’t assume he’s your man. That always ends badly – like Hurricane Katrina badly. More simply, if we never say I love you or that you are our girlfriend, we don’t and you aren’t.

8. The fact that we’ll sleep with you and your friends doesn’t make us trifling – it means you need better friends.

Women tend to assume that there’s some code about not boning friends of friends. Must have been a white guy who started all that.

9. Nudity does not guarantee that we are interested in you.

It means that we both thought being nude was a good idea at the time.

10. Generally, men don’t like “b*tches”. We like strong and assertive women.

Attitude doesn’t make you strong and assertive. It means you have an attitude. You should give that to Garcon Garcon at the door there.

These are 10 truths about men. And this goes out to you, and you…this goes out to you.

Community of folks, what are other truths about men that women need to know? And to my estrogenitas out there, what are some truths about women that men won’t seem to accept.

Do your community service today and speak on it.

For the kids.

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